Herself and all she was she had lent to men

Herself and all she was she had lent to men,
Hoping her greater being to implant
That heaven might native grow on mortal’s soil
- Sri Aurobindo in ‘Savitri’


I was born with a consciously prepared body - Sri Aurobindo was aware of that, he said it immediately that first time he saw me: I was born free. That is, from the spiritual standpoint: without any desire. Without any desire and attachment if there is the slightest desire and the slightest attachment, it is impossible to do this work.

A vital like a warrior; with an absolute self-control (the vital of this present incarnation was sexless - a warrior) an absolutely calm and imperturbable warrior, no desires, no attachment. Since my earliest childhood, I have done things which, to the human consciousness, are ‘monstrous’; my mother went so far as to tell me that I was a real ‘monster’ because I had neither attachments nor desires.

If I was asked “would you like to do this?” I answered “I don’t care” (my father especially, it would make him furious). If people were nasty to me, or if people died or went away, it left me absolutely calm - and so: “You’re a monster, you have no feelings.”

And with that preparation, it’s eighty-six years since I came here, mon petit! For thirty years I worked with Sri Aurobindo consciously, without letup, night and day. We shouldn’t be in a hurry.

We shouldn’t be in a hurry.

And there was that experience, which of all experiences was truly the most…. I could say the most decisive: that was when Sri Aurobindo left his body. Because materially, for the body, it was the complete collapse of a sort of unshakable trust, a sense of absolute security, of certitude that things were doing to be done “ just like that”, harmoniously. Then his departure - the blow of a sledgehammer on the head… And the entire weight of the responsibility here, on the body. Voila.
That means quite a preparation - which is as wise as all the rest.

That is why Sri Aurobindo told me clearly (because, of course, he saw, he knew,)…..he said to me ”only your body can withstand THAT, has the power to withstand…”

All that I am doing, all that the body is doing, is the power to pass on to the others - that’s precisely what I am studying now. I am studying this it’s a sort of power to put people in contact with the vibration of the Consciousness which is concentrated on a number of people and things (all over the earth, naturally, but also on certain points). It’s the Power that came the night when there was that descent in the brain: at any moment I was able to direct a beam here, another beam there, touch a point here, another point there… (gesture like a beacon).

That’s why Sri Aurobindo never stopped repeating “Do not try to do it all by yourself, the Mother will do it for you, if you trust her.” I never say it, I am saying it to you just now. But it’s an absolute fact. It isn’t – you know this- it isn’t done for ONE body: it’s done for the earth.


(‘Mother’s Agenda’, Volume 5, 1964, published in France under the title L’Agenda de Mere- 1964, Institut de Recherches Evolutives, Paris, 1979).