This has been a difficult
meditation to articulate. I am aware of the thoughts racing, of impressions of
my first encounters with this form of the Mother. She is present in more than
one of the temples in Serangoon Road. In every one of those temples, her
fierceness seemed an insurmountable barrier. She stands fiercely over a demon,
has skulls around her neck, and carries a trident ready to strike. Her wide, calm
eyes are often in contrast to the fierce action she embodies. I have
experienced awe at the sight of her, a tentative approach and an automatic
prayer that was mainly intended to appease. I could not feel the sweet joy and
spontaneous love that I felt in the presence of other forms of the Mother. It
was only when I first read Sri Aurobindo’s description of her that I sensed
another approach to her. As with so much else of how I understand my world, Sri
Aurobindo provided me a path to this power of the Mother.
It is power that defines her. She
manifests the “force and strength” of the Divine Mother. The first time I
encountered her as Sri Aurobindo speaks of her was in a talk by Prof. Nadkarni.
He was speaking of an episode that is recounted in The Mother’s Agenda (v.11):
There was a rather long period: the
War was declared in August [1914] and I left next February. Well, between the
two, one day while in meditation, I saw Kali enter through the door - Kali of
the vital, naked, with a garland of heads - she danced into the room. And she
told me (she stayed like that, a little distance away), she told me ... I don't
remember the exact words, but: "Paris is captured" or "Paris is
about to be captured" or "Paris is destroyed" - something of the
sort, anyway the Germans were advancing on Paris. And then, I saw the Mother -
the Mother, that is to say ... how does he call her? Maha ...Mahashakti.
Huge!... You see, Kali had a human
size, but she was huge, up to the ceiling. She came in behind Kali and stood
there, and she said, "NO" - simply, just like that (in a quiet
categorical tone). So I (laughing) ... In those days, there was no radio, we
would get the news by wire; so we got the news that the Germans were advancing
on Paris, and at the same moment (that is, the day I had my vision), at the
corresponding moment, without reason they were struck with panic, they turned
back and went away.... It was just the same moment.... They were advancing on
Paris; so Kali came in, saying, "Paris is captured." And then She came
(Mother brings her hand down sovereignly): NO.... Like that. It really was
remarkable, because I was simply sitting there, looking. And it happened in
front of me. (Mother's Agenda, v. 11 , P.134, 1st Apr 1970)
This distinction between a lesser
deity and the Mother as Mahakali was startling to a teen who had only seen
images of the Kali as the dark and naked figure. The idea that the Mother’s
force and strength were greater than the violent energies that are barely
contained in the images of Kali enabled me to recognize yet another path
towards the Mother. I have so often been struck by the form of the deity in the
temple – never allowing myself to experience “[a] nodus of Eternity expressed /
Live in an image and a sculptured face” (“The Hill-Top Temple”). The
interiority of the being within the form has always eluded me. But instead of
merely describing her form, Sri Aurobindo describes Mahakali’s interiority:
“There is in her an overwhelming intensity, a mighty passion of force to
achieve, a divine violence rushing to shatter every limit and obstacle. All her
divinity leaps out in a splendor of tempestuous action; she is there for
swiftness, for the immediately effective process, the rapid and direct stroke,
the frontal assault that carries everything before it.” The form is replaced by
awareness of energy and force, a movement that enables and strengthens, an
awareness that is keener and an aspiration that is capable of rising far
higher.
Only recently, partly in the course
of this meditation, I have come to realize how much I live in fear, how easily
I have accepted my limitations. The world when viewed through this lens of fear
is a dark place, a place where even the Divine is seen as remote and
awe-inspiring instead of near and full of love. In a real sense, even though I
had not thought of Kali, I was viewing the world as I viewed her – with
wariness and reflexive need to protect myself. With time and Her Grace, this
too changed. As I begin to think of the Mother as Mahakali, I see the fear
disappear: “When she is allowed to intervene in her strength, then in one
moment are broken like things without consistence the obstacles that immobilise
or the enemies that assail the seeker.” Looking back at those fears, I see them
as those of a child. I am led to see how She has been present through every
moment and in every interaction. I also begin to realize how much my obdurate
fear prevented me from experiencing her Presence. I have written here about how
I love Sri Aurobindo’s writing – the way he articulates movements of the Divine
and of the seeker. “When she is allowed” – what stops her? Who could grant
permission to this being and her grandeur? It is the seeker and the seeker’s
willingness to be transformed. The answer moves me almost to tears.
Above all else, the Mother seeks to
be near her children and if her children run from her in fear, then she shows
them a form that is less fearsome and draws them near. Writing to a devotee
about the ways in which Mother aids or teaches Sadhaks, Sri Aurobindo says “All
these things depend on the person, the condition, the circumstances. The Mother
uses the method you speak of, the Mahakali method, (1) with those in whom there
is a great eagerness to progress and a fundamental sincerity somewhere even in
the vital, (2) with those whom she meets intimately and who, she knows, will
not resent or misunderstand her severity or take it for a withdrawal of
kindness or grace but will regard it as a true grace and a help to their
sadhana. There are others who cannot bear this method—if it was continued they
would run a thousand miles away in misunderstanding, revolt and despair. What
the Mother wants is for people to have their full chance for their souls, be
the method short and swift or long and torturous. Each she must treat according
to his nature.” (Letters on the Mother, p.353, 9 May 1933)
Another sadhak wrote to Sri
Aurobindo that they feared telling the Mother the details of their life because
She might scold them. To this, Sri Aurobindo replies, “If you are afraid of the
Mother’s scoldings, how will you progress? Those who want to progress quickly,
welcome even the blows of Mahakali because that pushes them more rapidly on the
way.” (Letters on the Mother, p. 353, 28 September 1933).
Alongside the Divine Force, there is Divine Compassion
and Love. It is out of that love that She will permit the “long and torturous”
path of transformation. Yet for as long as we encourage our fears, if I see Her
scolding as merely her judgment of me rather than the manifestation of Her love
for me, then I am stuck on torturous path. If I reject the fear, then I step
out of Her way and allow Her to work as She deems fit. In surrendering to this
form of the Mother, I learn to live without fear, to aspire and have the
strength to work towards that aspiration, to laugh with joy at her many
manifestations in the world – as Sri Aurobindo says, “without her Ananda might
be wide and grave or soft and sweet and beautiful but would lose the flaming joy
of its most absolute intensities.” To this radiant Mahakali, I offer my
salutations.
- Ramalakshmi
No comments:
Post a Comment